Blog | It's True: Corporations and PACs Are People Too

I am shocked at all of the anti-PAC and anti-Corporate sentiment I have read about in this blog and elsewhere.  Doesn't everyone know that Corporations are people too.  I mean the US Supreme Court ruled on this very issue in the Citizens United case - Or was it the Corporations United case - I forget - My mind is preoccupied with all the shiny glossy (wow they are so pretty) political adds I've been getting in the mail lately.

Anyways, to prove that Corporations are people too, I went out of my way to take a nice long walk on the beach with a Corporation the other day.  We talked, we shared an ice cream cone, we went for a swim, we even laughed and cried together - or was I crying and the Corporation was laughing - I forget - those stupid shiny ads, they really messed with my memory.

Anyways, as the sun was beginning to set, my new Corporation friend and I zipped over to the Santa Monica Pier to ride the Ferris wheel together.  It was a tight fit, but we were able to get into one of the pods.  It was great - I was beginning to finally get it.  My new Corporation friend was a real person.  The Supreme Court was right.

Of course we didn't agree on everything.  It's to be expected. After all, my wife and I don't agree on everything either.  We have our own - you know - personalities, intricacies, quirks, opinions, and what not.  Anyways, up to this point, I was really having a great day.

Once the Ferris wheel started to turn, our conversation got deeper and more meaningful.  The ice had been broken with the earlier getting-to-know-you type of a day we had together.  It was probably the third time that we were making our way to the top of the wheel - where the view is just amazing I might add- when the subject of over-development came up.

My new corporation friend looked towards the Miramar Hotel, pointed his finger and smiled. He pointed to all of the downtown development and chuckled.  Then he pointed his finger towards the Village Trailer Park and laughed.  "Those little, little people" he said, "they think they actually have a chance at saving their homes".

Of Course I was shocked, I really didn't expect that from my new friend.  After all, he seemed so genuine and sincere throughout the day, a "real" class act person I thought, but boy was I wrong.  His true colors started to show, I was boiling, I had been taken for a ride.

I immediately expressed my disappointment in my new friend.  I told him that people matter, that everything in the world isn't about profits.  I asked him, "If you are truly a real person, then where is your compassion, where is your heart, where is your soul, where is your humanity".

- - - Wow! He didn't like that at all. - - - 

With one swoop, he picked me up and threw me into the ocean from the top of the Ferris wheel.  My life flashed in front of me - it was so, so scary - but half way down, those glossy political adds popped into my mind - I couldn't help it.  They actually calmed me down and took my mind off the real issue that I was about to fall into the ocean. Thank god I could swim - I made it out.

So what did I learn though this experience?  If Corporations are people - then they are really, really mean people.  No Compassion, No Heart, No Soul, No Humanity.

My advice to you - don't get taken for a ride by a Corporation - you might end up all wet !!

My name is Armen Melkonians, and I am running for Santa Monica City Council.

If elected, I promise to represent your interests, and not let you get taken for a ride.