Connections

CONNECTIONS

She is on her cell phone and burning incense.

With smoke from the incense rising to her eyes, I ask if she would be willing to share about her spirituality.  She seems surprised, suddenly smiles, and begins to laugh replying, “Oh my gosh - me?  I’m not spiritual!  What do you want to ask me?”

I have three questions. 

She waits in silence, listening.

I don’t know why, but I rattle off my three questions to her in this order - “What is spiritual? What is spirituality? How do you experience your spirituality?”

Without missing a beat, she takes in a deep breath, and begins connecting the pieces “I can begin with my father.  As a commissioned officer he had soldiers from every village, so we celebrated all the religious festivals -of all religions! Yes!  We attended all of the festivals from all of the religions and respected everybody.  Everybody was together.”

As she describes this celebratory and accepting reality, I feel that I/we have been invited to join her in the experience of her life story.  As she brings these memories to life, there is a sense of timelessness in her expression. 

She continues sharing, “My father was a man of wisdom.  My parents were honest.

My parents, they spent time with us.

I was not allowed to gossip.  My father said that gossip is poison and a waste of time.

I was always engaged in something.  I was always learning - new sports, cultures, and languages.

My parents taught us a few simple ways to live:

 Speak the truth. No lying.

Respect everybody – respect all elders.

Never insult anybody.  Nobody is less than or below you.

When you say you are going to do something, you have to do it.  No exceptions. Your word is a powerful contract. “

She pauses, looks directly at me and says, “I guess spirituality would be being honest – the real thing.

For me spirituality is honesty – being straight forward, trustworthy.”

 I realize that she is answering one of the interview questions directly, marking the connection,  and somehow bringing me/us together,  before continuing,

“I don’t go around calling myself spiritual.  Is it a trend? Fashion is a trend. Raw food is a trend.

Spirituality, spiritual, here seems like it is a trend. 

It is not a trend - it is something you follow for a long time.  You take the first step, then the second, and you stay with it, you continue with it.  It is not like fashion, that you just change like clothing.

My mother meditates in the morning, for 2-3 hours each morning (that is her path).  She would not go around saying, ‘I am spiritual’, devotional maybe, or devoted to a certain god.

When my father was alive, he would drive her to the temple in the evening. 

When they came out of the temple, when there were people begging for money, if my mother would get upset at them, my father would tell her, ‘There is no point of going to the temple unless you learn something’.”

Carrying on this message from her father, she adds, “My job is to give.  If someone is asking for money, like a homeless person, it is not my job to judge what they are going to do with the money.  My job is to give.

This is what I believe, about spirituality -you have to learn something.  It does not matter if you read something one hundred times – you have to learn something from it.”

She stops to repeat the question to herself, “What is spirituality? I don’t know.  Hindu is a philosophy of life.  It is what your parents teach you, your aunts, uncles, and grandparents.  The parents are the core teachers - the parents spending time with their children.  Your family is your first teacher.

What you learn as a kid, you may not be into it as a kid, but then as you get older you realize you have it within you, and when you need it you use it.

 I did not realize that I know the chants and meditations my mother sang, because I heard them every day from her.  I was surprised that I remembered them all – they are inside of me. They are a part of me. They are my foundation.  Your foundation is the most important thing.

If you have a strong foundation, the house will last for a long time.  My family and all that they taught me is a part of me.”

She stops, and there seems to be a huge shift to the present moment – with an endearing quality and reverence in her voice, she shares “It is interesting – it is in California that I picked up my first book to understand what I was raised with, Buddhism and Hinduism.  I experienced it growing up, but reading about it helped me focus on it, reading helped to put my thoughts together.

When I read Pema Chodron’s book, When Things Fall Apart,  I felt like I understood everything my grandparents taught me.  I needed to hear it again, read it from a third party to understand it all – to bring it all together.”

She stops, and remains quiet for a while-I recognize this stillness honors the beauty of how things have come together for her.  I join her in this moment – together, it all seems connected somehow.

She begins to smile again, wondering, “I don’t know if I am spiritual.  I’m just how I am.  Spirituality or spiritual - is just the way you live.

In the East, you just live. Your job is to do.  Don’t look for the results.  Don’t even think of the results.  Just live.  You just have to do.” She immediately adds, “You don’t have to hurt anybody.

Spirituality – life -we all have our own version. I have my version. It’s all a passing on.

It’s something you inherit from your parents and grandparents. 

It is the heart.

Speak from the heart. How you speak. What you say.

It’s not about appearances. Appearances will go away.

Honor is the only thing you take with you.

That’s me.

I don’t know.  I’m not spiritual.  I’m a person.”

(The individual being interviewed prefers to remain anonymous.)

Rosanna Ferraro created this blog and is the founder of Honoring Your Spiritual Journey, in Santa Monica, CA. (www.honoringyourspiritualjourney.com)   She is also a local artist and exhibits her meditative color images throughout Northern and Southern California. (www.rosannaferraro.com)